The Cat is Out of the Bag!!

So Thanksgiving weekend was quite eventful I must say....First, my mom couldn't help but tell a couple members of the family about the pregnancy before the planned Thanksgiving day- but I guess it's ok because they weren't able to make it up anyway-They were very excited and happy about. At Brad's parent's house- we made it over just in time for the before-dinner prayer. Brad chimed in at the very end telling our famiy how thankful we were to have them in our lives and that we are going to be adding to that family....they were just absolutely elated!! Brad's Grandma Betty was brought to tears because our little one will be her first Great Grandbaby. We received lots of hugs and congratulations! After that, we went over to my mom's and my Uncle John and cousin Julie were there and we shared the news with them- they too were super excited!

So now our families know. It's still a little nerve wrecking to tell people because that constant thought of "what if we lose the baby?" but i guess we can't think about that and just take it a day at a time. I'm definitely getting more and more excited as each day goes by.

On Friday we went to our firs OB appt- it was basically like an intake appt where I filled out all my paperwork regarding screenings and tests etc- I also did my bloodwork and got my flu and H1N1 shot. Our sonogram appt is for December 11th and I am definitely counting down the days to that appointment! I think once that appointment happens, then I'll be even closer to that realization that we are really having a baby! I think we will also know what are risks of miscarriage are as well. I don't know if I'm overreacting and making myself too worried about the whole thing- I know that can make things worse- so I just take things one day at a time and focus on other things going around me like work and my family and the next thing I know, I'll be past that 1st trimester!

On Saturday we were able to tell a few of our very closest friends about the pregnancy, so that was really exciting. They of course were happy and since one of them is pregnant too- they now have a buddy to share experiences with! I'm glad to have that as well.

I haven't had any symptoms really except occasional cramping and my boobs hurting occasionally. I'm pretty sure that I've had my first food aversion, which is really sad. One of the Drs had Del Taco and when I walked past it, it smelled SO BAD!! I had to practically run past it to avoid the stink! I LOVE Del Taco! I hope it was a fluke but we'll have to see what happens the next time I smell it. That part will have to be determined as time goes by.

Until the next appointment!

cautiously optimistic

Soooo.... I took the pregnancy test and it was positive!! I was pretty excited about the whole thing that's for sure. Brad and I told our parents and siblings about the positive test. I'm still really nervous about the whole thing if you ask me.... I have a small reason of concern because this evening when I got home from work I checked my cervix and I had the TINIEST clot on my finger with a little bit of blood. There was nothing on the toilet paper or in my underwear- that was about 2 hours ago and I haven't gotten any other "spotting" if that's what you want to call it. Of course the second I saw it my heart totally dropped and I thought..."miscarriage". How could you not right? The second I came out of the bathroom I jumped on the computer and hopped on the internet- I concluded that i should not be checking my cervix because it becomes engorged with blood and can bleed easily when touched and can also cause infection. So I guess I won't be doing THAT anymore. I'll just have to worry when I see it in my underwear.

I just don't want to lose this little bean. My temp this morning was higher than it was yesterday so that is a good sign. Haven't gone to the doctor yet so I'll have to get with them to check my HCG levels to make sure they are increasing appropriately. This is exactly why we didn't want to tell a bunch of people right away- call me a realist. My boobs are pretty sore and i've had some cramping too- I hope it's my uterus stretching. By my calculations-I'm about 4 weeks and 3 days along....

I guess we'll have to see what happens. We were hoping to tell the rest of the family at Thanksgiving of the good but preliminary news and then cards for Christmas for the really extended family and friends- I hope to make it that far!!

So if the pregnancy sticks....

Unsure Pregnancy Tests

Brad and I have been really "trying" for a baby for two cycles now- I have a number of friends who are currently pregnant and they REALLY want for me to be pregnant with them. I would love nothing more than to be able to share as many moments as possible with them through my own personal experiences. With the wishes to be pregnant also comes an enormous amount of pressure to "produce" a pregnancy. The pressure is definitely beginning to get to me. I have been so preoccupied with the thought of having a positive pregnancy test that I haven't actually thought about being pregnant. I am over analyzing everything to every little twinge in my "uterine area" to if whether or not my breasts are sore or if my sense of smell has changed. I just wish I could know for sure so I can work toward the next cycle or actually let things set in about being pregnant.

I have taken so many pregnancy tests that Brad is getting upset for "wasting" money. If only he understood. Sometimes I take more than one a day. I'm also taking my tempurature every day- sometimes twice a day to make sure it isn't dropping. Talk about obsessing right? I know it takes a while to get pregnant for some couples and I am terrified that we are going to be that couple.

With the pressure that my friends and I are putting on me, pressure also comes from my mom and inlaws and other family members. They keep asking when we are gonna have a kid and I always tell them, "when the time comes, it comes..." As if I wasn't thinking about it for practically every minute of every day. I want to go to bed early so I can wake up to take my temperature or take another pregnancy test. I know this is not normal. I can't help it. I am used to being successful at everything I do and I want this to be another thing.

To make things worse- or better, however you want to look at it, for the past three days, my generic little strip prenancy tests have had from a "barely there 'squinter' pink line where the positive line is supposed to be-while holding it at an angle in the light- to a darker but still light line that I am not sure how to interpret. My mind tells me that it is a positive test. I don't want to get my hopes up and think that I'm pregnant so I am not putting my heart into it. I would be crushed if it ended up being what I thought was a positive only to start my period later on that day or something.

I haven't even thought about the experience of the pregnancy itself- the nausea, the constipation, cravings and food aversions, the sore breasts, the exhaustion- on to the growing belly, finding out the sex, the kicking, the decorating of the nursery- let alone delivery, bringing home baby and teaching them everything I know while loving them more than anything else.... Thinking about that stuff ( minus the nausea etc.) just makes me feel more desperate and long to have those experiences. To make matters even worse, we haven't even tried for that long. Knowing that makes me feel guilty knowing that there are couples out there who have tried for YEARS with no baby. We have only technically had one unsuccessful cycle and I'm so worried about this one! I couldn't imagine working on dozens and dozens of cycles to no avail.

I know I just need to be patient and let nature take its course. God willing, we will have our little bundle of joy and he ( if this cycle turns out to be a pregnancy, I think the baby will be a boy) will have lots of playmates a few months older than he is. I need to stay positive and think the best.

If my test strip is darker tomorrow- I'm going to take the digital test and hope that it says "pregnant". If it does, Brad and I are going to tell our parents about the positive test, but not to be 100% sure it's a pregnancy until I go to the Dr. - just incase there is a miscarriage in the mix.

I wish I was psychic and I could tell myself what will happen in the next week. Waiting sucks.