If at first you don't conceive....

So.... My first pregnancy ended very abruptly on my 5 week 6 day marker. It started with some spotting at work followed by a visit to Urgent Care. I had a low grade fever- something I think manifested due to the stress of the impending doom... I was seen by a Sports Medicine Dr who didn't seem too confident about the whole situation. He did a visual exam and said he didn't see any signs of infection and that my cervix was closed, which was a good sign. I asked him to see if I could schedule an appt with OB just to make sure everything was ok. As my mom and I were walking out of the room, the nurse asked me which test I used because it took a really long time for my test results to show a positive. DEFINITELY not a good sign for a pregnancy that's supposed to be almost 6 weeks along. At that point I knew what was going to happen the next day at my OB appt. I took a blood test to get my hcg levels.

When I woke up the next day, my spotting had stopped, so I was a little more positive about my appointment later that day. I swear it was minutes before my appointment when I started getting some very strong cramping and I went to the restroom to find that my spotting had turned to bleeding- then I knew it was over. I went with my mom and asked her to drive because the cramping was getting VERY strong. The nurses ushered us right in and we were seen by a really nice and understanding Dr. He did an ultrasound and saw that there was no embryo- leading me to conclude that it was a chemical pregnancy. I also got my blood levels back. 152. I'm done for. The Dr was very sweet and tried his best to console me. I cried and then went to my mom's to complete the miscarriage process. Brad had to work through this whole thing, unfortunately. The miscarriage was EXTREMELY painful. I wished I could just run away but I couldn't. Luckily the cramps only lasted a couple hours and the bleeding, a few days. I have to say that deep down inside I think I always knew something wasn't right. Between the spotting, the non-symptoms besides the cramping and the only positive test being 16dpo, I knew it wasn't supposed to be that forced. It was an extremely difficult process but knowing that it was so early gives me a little more peace of mind and helps with any guilt I may have.

I this whole process has made me lose my pregnancy "innocence" as the support group members always post. I know that early testing increases the chance of knowing when you have a chemical pregnancy instead of just thinking I was a period. At least I know we can get pregnant. That's the most important part. The pressure to get pregnant has lightened up, however, since all of my friends and family know we are going to wait a few cycles to try again. Now we can kind of relax and regroup. We will be successful soon!